Tyler-ism

My 5 year old son comes up with some of the funniest, sweetest and out of this world comments, statements and arguments so I thought I’d share.

After my mom mopped the floor with Pinesol one day, my son came running in the room, stopped mid-tracks and exclaimed..

“Oh, what is that wonderful smell?”

A couple weeks later, he walked into a meeting room and spotted an oil painting and in surprise asked…

“Awww wats dat, Carri, a beautiful paintin’?”

I love the use of adjectives!!

STEP UP!!

Originally posted July, 2010….

This blog entry is more of a venting session than anything else, and more of a serious tone than my usually posts.  I debated about writing any of this down but, I believe I will combust if I don’t get it out.  I’ve been a mom for the last nine years and have worked in the legal field for about ten.  As a mom, I have seen and been through a ton that has taught me, calmed me, panicked me and awed me, but never have I ever second-guessed my position as a mother.  I am by far not perfect, and not all my choices in life have been unselfish or wise, but I never regret the days my babies came into this world.  From the first moment I laid eyes on my daughter I understood I had a huge responsibility and I needed to step up.  I immediately accepted the fact that just a few of my duties would include protector, maid, taxi driver, boo-boo fixer, teddy bear, shoulder to cry on, ear to listen, but most of all ROLE MODEL.  I just wish that was the overall consensus in today’s day in age.

 While working, I’ve experienced a multitude of different cases/issues;  some interesting, some funny, some really stupid and some just plain infuriating.  I have learned in the last ten years that people (not all, but a lot) are so driven by the mighty dollar that they are blinded to the more important things in their lives.  This blindness not only unknowingly affects them individually, but the ones who love them the most – their children.  Their children…the sweet, loving, huggable, innocent children THEY brought into this world.  I underline innocent because if our children are not anything else that are that.  Children do not choose to be part of a family, they did not choose to be taken advantage of, they did not choose to grow up ten years too early for their age, nor do they choose to be used as a pawn in any of the ridiculous games that I’ve seen played!  The fact is, they do not CHOOSE any of it.  They come into their unwritten lives with a clean slate, not knowing what hope is, love is, pride is, what responsibility or nurturing means.   They also don’t come into this world knowing what hate, prejudice or arrogance is either.  They only learn by what WE teach them. We engrave our teachings and beliefs into their little minds as early as they can feel our presence.  As they grow, what is engraved is the only thing they know, understand or consider normal.  But who gets punished when something goes wrong?  Not the engraver, but the engraved—the innocent children.

 I was one of the lucky ones.  I had two parents who loved me beyond words, sometimes overprotective and not easy, but underneath the disagreements and disappointments, I always knew I could go to them, I always knew they loved me, I always knew I would be provided for, have a place to sleep and food in my stomach, because every day they worked hard for me and my brother — they stepped up.  When we were born, their lives were no longer lived just for themselves, they were living for us and their main priority was our safety, health and success.  THAT was all that mattered.  Sacrifice was a way of life, but it was a willing way of life.  A new TV was put on the back-burner, as was the new grill, new clothes, etc.  Their only real vacation was taken on their 26th wedding anniversary, because in the year of their 25th I decided to get married.  Raising us is what they lived for and I couldn’t be more grateful.

 But what about the unlucky ones, is it their fault that disruption and anger is all they are able to express?  Is it their fault that this behavior is the only way they know how to get someone/anyone’s attention?  Is it their fault that when the only relationship they have experienced is a competition in who can outdo the other, or a screaming/boxing match between the two people in their short little lives who are suppose to “love” each other?  This is all they’ve been taught.  This is what they witness and how they form their definitions of love, relationships, respect, pride and honor.  Our behavior, our actions are instructing our children how to feel and how to act.  How do we expect them to know any different?  If you recall, they had a clean slate before they came into OUR lives.  We, as parents are responsible to teach our children.  WE asked for the responsibility (intentionally or not), WE took on the responsibility and if WE are blessed enough to have the responsibility its time to STEP UP. 

 I have seen firsthand the emotion, the heartbreak, the financial struggle and incredible determination that unfolds when a couple who has so much love between them that all they want to do is share it with a child of their own and cannot.  To me, it is wholly unfair that these loving people are not graced with this blessing.  My heart aches for them because everyone deserves to love another’s life more than their own and unfortunately and disgustingly, some chose to take this blessing for granted.

My deep infuriation comes from watching grown people act like children themselves.  They pride themselves on their material things and insignificant accomplishments, or choose to allow others to support their bad habits or idiotic behavior.  They have children of their own and either parade them around like trophies or forget they’re human beings and treat them like a ticket for a hand out.   The children are the ones who pay for their immaturity; the children are the ones who absorb the lessons of the greedy or the cold-hearted, only to internalize it as normal practice.  The innocent children pay the price and, again, I stress innocent

 As a single mom, I appreciate that there are many, many things in this world that are unfair, but I also realize I chose my life path, and I have to take responsibility for it.  There have been plenty of sleepless nights wondering if the rent would get paid or if I’d be able to get books for school or afford daycare.  I am not ashamed to say that I’ve attempted to qualify for government benefits only to be denied.  I was barely able to provide for food, shelter or gas, but never able to qualify for help.  I’d be horribly angry at the system, but I never stopped striving to provide for my family with pride and honesty.  The chapters of my life were not always fun or easy and there were times I wanted to give up, even asking myself why bother? The answer always came back to my children.  I am their role model, I am their guide, and with the crappy role models they have in today’s society; wearing no clothes, cosmetically altered, overly drugged, sexed and immune from the law, I figure their parents are the best shot they have.

 I recently heard a quote from a young man who stated “It’s not our choice where we come from, but it’s our choice where we end up”.  I absolutely agree, but why is that the norm.   My heart hurts for the young children who are not given a choice and I applaud those who overcome and have done for themselves what they were not taught to do in their young lives.  I equally applaud the parents/guardians who struggle everyday to do what’s right by their children no matter how difficult. 

 So what is the point of this rant?  I have to admit it was selfishly driven…I’m tired.  I am so tired of hearing about the beaten, battered and murdered children.  Every morning I read the paper and I regret picking it up.  I am so tired of people not taking responsibility for such beautiful blessings.  I’m so tired of the selfish acts that are detrimental to our children and their future.  Treat others they way you would like to be treated —doesn’t that include our kids?  Step Up!  Biological or not, our children are a product of us, isn’t it our job to protect them, love them, and help them grow and succeed.  Let’s take responsibility for the innocence WE chose to bring into or bring up in this world.  Protect them and teach them by example, show them that life can be beautiful, and love them unconditionally so one day they too can be a role model.   STEP UP!

   Look to your children often for the answers you seek, and they will provide you with simplicity only innocence can.

                                                                                                                                                                                              ©2009

Once Upon a Decade…

an Angel was born…                                 

How time flys – from the moment you entered my life, the world that I knew was rocked.  I had been blessed with the most beautiful rose, hands so small and eyes so big.  Never did I think I could love so much, never did I believe this tiny little person would change my ways, my heart and my path.  From first words to first grade, everything you have done and will do is extraordinarily out of this universe special. 

My life will forever be altered and I will be eternally grateful.  Although I knew from the beginning I would never be able to give you the world (as much as I want to) and I could never promise perfection, today I give you whats in my heart. 

As we celebrate your TENTH birthday, I make to you the same promises  that I made ten years ago…

I promise…

To always be there, no matter how trivial, nothing is too small;

To be your biggest cheerleader in all that you dream of, work toward and accomplish, and a shoulder for the times you may fall short only to tell you to shake it off and keep trying. 

To allow you space to make friends, lose friends and be a best friend;

To never lose faith in who you are or what you can do;

To listen, discuss, debate, agree and disagree (which I’m sure will happen A LOT) with you;

To be your mom (you may not like it sometimes, but one day you will understand – I promise);

To step back and watch you grow up;

To let go a little bit at a time  (with boundaries of course) no matter how difficult; and

To love you (THIS MUCH infinity) unconditionally forever and always…

I promise.

Happy 10th Birthday Sweet Pea, I love you!

UNforever Young

Ok, so apparently I have been living in a bubble, because someone please tell me when my baby girl turned into a baby tween!!   I don’t know what rock I’ve been hiding under but it truly didn’t faze me that my first-born was growing up until just the other week.  As a side note:  I was happier in denial and I am still trying to figure out when she went from this cute little, blonde, pig-tailed sweetheart, that would give hugs out like candy to Ms. THAANG with an attitude. 

Oh, believe me, I’ve been warned about the changes that would occur when she entered this stage of her life, I just didn’t want to hear it.  My mom was the one who did most of the warning because she thoroughly enjoys and basks in current events so she could remind me what a handful I was.  Her favorite advice after one of our OMG I think she’s growing up conversations is,  “Hahaha, ooohhh III know, you just wait honey, haha” as she continues to laugh even after I hang up the phone.  Yeah, I’ve been warned, but in my insane thinking I thought if I ignored it, maybe it wouldn’t happen.  I have to say it worked for quite some time, but what I didn’t realize was that there were all kinds of things happening that I didn’t want to admit to, and now all of a sudden I cannot ignore.  For instance and just scratching the surface:

1)  My sweet pea is almost as tall as her grandmother; 2)  she is participating in “grown-up” conversations and interjecting with witty (sometimes really funny and intelligent) comments, 3) her room has all of a sudden become her sanctuary; 4)  She wears a bra!! (I’m still having trouble with this one); and 5) her attitude has become a source of contention (wwheeww) wow it can be nasty!!   Now, I’m just bracing myself for the ultimate I-am-in-no-way-shape-or-form-gonna-be-able-to-handle change…boys!  I’m really hoping that this one holds off for a while, but I know I’m just being naïve.

Anyway, when it became apparent what was happening without my conscious knowledge, I realized I’d better get with it and be proactive in this new chapter of our lives.  I needed to continue to keep her close, even though I knew I was going to have to begin the process of letting go.  Low and behold, the perfect opportunity to step into my daughter’s recent secret world came about 2 weeks ago.  We were invited to go see JONAS with Demi Lovato!! Holy crap was I excited, I really thought I was gonna be IN!! The Jonas Brothers –how can you beat that?  I was gonna be a “cool” mom.  Well, my bubble that I have lived in so peacefully until recently totally popped when her enthusiasm wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.  Apparently she’s “too cool” for Jonas and the only reason she wanted to go was to hang out with her best friend.  Let me tell you, she was lucky they served beer!!

As we drove into the parking lot of the theater, the roar (I’m sorry…High Pitched Screams) coming from inside was what I could only explain as IN. SANE!  The energy that poured out of the entrances could be felt before you got out of the car.  WHOA it was crazy.  Needless to say, the feeling was contagious.  Soon the girls who were “too cool” for the Jonas brothers were right there in front, jumping up and down actin’ a fool with the rest of the obnoxiously loud and very dramatic crowd.  I say crowd so I do not leave out the ADULT women who joined in the frenzy.  I’m totally for supporting my kid’s fun, but UUUMMMM, and I won’t even talk about the ones there with NO kids.

I have to admit it was a pretty intense, and I will even admit, fun experience.  There was some whisper from the “cool” ones because we were sitting on the lawn, but in a turn of events, due to the volume from the speakers and the screeching groupies, our three girls scored some pretty awesome tickets from my cousins.  Their poor son just couldn’t hang with the craziness that was happening at the front by the stage.  And to be honest, I don’t blame him, I would have bailed too, stating health reasons!!

At the end, the concert was actually not making my ears bleed and the girls had a blast!! Although questionable at first, it turned out, I was pretty cool (at least for the night) and it also turned out all three girls, including the sixteen year old who tagged along, are forever Jonas fans and have scheduled a sleepover to watch the next installment of Camp Rock!!

 As exciting as it was, and how incredible it was to experience my daughter’s first concert with her, the best part definitely came at the end.  When the music stopped, the lights came on, and we started to head home, my grown up, tween daughter, who only picks her head up from a book or a computer when you repeat her name seventeen times, ran up to me, gave me a GREAT big hug and said “thank you”.  Wow, what a feeling!

In conclusion, I may be a little late in realizing that time moves forward and my babies won’t always be little, but I’m beginning to accept it and sort of embrace it, because the sweet little things they used to do ALL the time may only come once in a while now, but when they do, “Sweet” is not the only word I’d use to describe it.  So, thank you L & A for the invite, thank you J, C&C for the tickets, thank you A for the sixteen-year-old entertainment (and rockin voice by the way) and Thank You Jonas Brothers for a great night with my always sweet, always cute, but not forever young daughter!!

JAM WITH US!

Yep that’s me…I’m the crazy-ass you see head banging or lip-synching obnoxiously in the driver’s seat.  Laugh if you will, but I have to entertain myself somehow.  Having to spend so much time in the car, its hard not to get bored.  When I’m by myself I hope for your sake that the windows are up, but it is quite entertaining when I get the kids to join me in my made-up car band.  After staring at a computer screen all day, “jamming out” in the car has become a daily outlet and one of the more fun times of the day, especially when my backup dancers/singers get involved.  Although, I am very aware that I am slowly being pushed out of the lead (as if I ever had that role). 

It has become routine, that on our way to school in the morning when my son feels like it is his duty to play DJ, in a not so polite way, he will request a specific song.  I will usually hear this, loudly and consistently….“Mommy the boy song, the boy song Mommy”…I have learned that if my four-year-old’s demands are not met immediately, he will be relentless until he finally gets his way.  (I know its not “good” parenting to give in, but whatever, you spend the next half hour listening to him yell over you and the music you turned up to drown him out while attempting to keep your eyes on the road).  So, in order not to end up with a screaming headache or a flip-flop to the back of the head, I turn to disc number three and I laugh to myself while I strain to listen to his attempt at singing along…

“Driving through town just my boy and me (pause, with a little bit of humming) a happy meal in his booster seat”, (some more head nodding with a little more humming) “he couldn’t have the toy, till his nuggets were gone….”

“MOM! TURN IT UP!—-LOUDER!!!!!!!!!”

“I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool, I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you,
And eat all my food and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.  We got cowboy boots and camo pants, yeah, yeah yeaaahh”

…lyrically entertaining me through the entire song. Then when the last word is sung and just as I think its ok to applaud, I am ordered… “Again, mom, do it again!”  I drop my head in defeat, hit repeat and pray that our destination is close. 

Even though the song choices can get beyond repetitious, almost to the point of complete annoyance, my kids are so fun to listen to, and because I don’t get to spend a lot time with them during the week, getting in the car and “jamming out” is one of my favorite parts of the day.  We laugh a lot and it makes the time fly by.

Sometimes, if I’m lucky ;), they are still really ramped up by the time we get home and the front room becomes their dance floor.  We turn up the radio and see what they come up with, which can be anything from cheer moves to break dancing.  Just watch out though because when “Life is a Highway” or “Put a Ring On It” comes on get out of their way, she is all of a sudden in the spotlight with a microphone and he unleashes his moves!!

So laugh all you want while driving along, you may think I’m a nut, but I’m a nut having fun in a place where I spend way too much of my time.

I say turn up the music and Jam With Us!!!